ok, so i'm a writer....:taking yourself too seriously

i take my work seriously, but not myself. i take my characters seriously--i actually care about them-- but not myself. i want to finish my manuscripts more than i want to accomplish anything...but i still don't take ashlyne too seriously. if you don't believe me, keep reading and beware of the picture. 

when people ask me what i do now, meaning "why aren't you still touring", i often don't know what to say right away. if i say i'm an author i feel like i'm implying that i am published, and my books are best-selling. extreme, i know, but that's how i feel sometimes. it's human nature to want to puff yourself up, but when you literally have no credits to your name, you can't even pretend. 

so i always hesitate and end up saying "i write" with a touch of nonchalance to it. that's real nonchalance though, not the fake kind that begs the other person to ask me more. i have no news, so i couldn't tell you anything else besides the fact that i've technically written two novels and songs to go with them. there's no more news. 

like i said, i take my actual work seriously, i get all giddy about it when i'm on the phone with certain people (like my agent, my grandmother, and lindsey). but i don't take myself seriously. i can't. i'm a married 28-year-old who found out what she loves to do more than anything else: write 300+ pages while i visit coffee shops and different cities or sit in my office at home with the fire going and my little darling yorkie charlie under my feet. listening to hans zimmer on pandora or itunes. 

how in the world could i be serious? i'm so happy about where i am right now, i have no time to be too serious about it. i won't be able to enjoy it! 

here to rescue all the serious-ians from their seriousness

and when i get cold, i wear onesies that are clearly not made for me. but when you're 5' 2'', you get to do these things. (look right)

funny story: i was talking with my agent sarah and then lindsey this past friday night, and we had a little bit of a breakthrough about my current novel and how to improve it vastly...and i'm sitting there in my space ship onesie pivoting in my chair like some old businessman. 

again, how could i begin to take myself seriously?

not possible. not possible. 

look, the bottom line is that you can't be a creator if you think your art is above other things in life, that it's so sacred that no one else should be able to offer constructive advice, that no changes should be made because it will lose it's integrity. it will only lose it if you let it become something you can't stand behind. the simple act of changing (or dare i say improving) will not do anything but lead it in a place you might not have been able to see before. 

it's like co-writing for songwriting is for me--i prefer to write songs with other people. in my opinion, it's a better song in the end when two people sit there and tackle the same idea from different sides of the room, with different personalities and pasts to bring to the same coffee table. you push and pull each other until the song is this big piece of stretched taffy. on your own, it would have only stretched so far. 

writing a novel is a lone process, yes, but once you're done, don't be afraid to ask for some hands to stretch it. (in your gut, you know the difference between good and bad criticism. you can feel it, just listen.)

and you might be thinking i'm talking in terms of commerciality...and sure. i am i guess. but i also think that if you even want your BFF to read your stuff, you might need a find a way for him/her to connect to it. it's a lonesome project if it's so coded that only you get it. what's the point? 

enjoy your life, enjoy your art. create things you can share to make other people's lives better. unless you're an art and enjoyment hoarder. in that case, this might not be your favorite blog :) 

ashlyne